very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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