It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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