some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
