i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
