A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
