Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
