His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
