Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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