I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she told me i tasted like america
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
