Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
