Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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