its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
