the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
