ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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