I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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