I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
