the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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