hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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