She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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