Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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