I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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