How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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