I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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