I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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