I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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