She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
