I got chris browned last night
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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