Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
