He is such a slut. More and more my type.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
