Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dear god my vagina.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
