tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
