I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
