i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
