Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
