Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
