Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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