dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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