Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
