Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
