I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
