the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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