I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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