I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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