dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
