wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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