You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
