I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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