I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
