I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
