He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
