come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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