It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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